You work out of a Hotel?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
