is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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