Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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