Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
