My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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