I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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