Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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