I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
