I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
