I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
