peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
