he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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