i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
