How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ugly people sure do ruin things
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
