so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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