How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
