We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am one with the molecules
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
