Whod you bang
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
