So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
