Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
