worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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