Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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