cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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