90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
