whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
