Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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