90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
