I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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