If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
