I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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