$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
