Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He felt like a one man threesome
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
