i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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