The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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