My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
