I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
should my penis look like a turkey
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
