Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I puked a lego.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
