Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
