:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
