Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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