ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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