so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
