I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
