Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
