i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
