i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
