your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
