I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
