sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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