I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
