just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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