My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
