I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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