What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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