he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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