i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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