there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
