im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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