yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
