I hate all girls vehemently.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
