i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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