I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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