Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
