My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
