is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
