oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
