I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize