he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
