My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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