I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
