I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
