babies were throwing up all over the place
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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