we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
