Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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