On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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