I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
