does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to be your penis for a week.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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