Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
