So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
