I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
