we have officially lost it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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