can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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