belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
