Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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