Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
