he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
