What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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