it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
