ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
