I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
