if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
