For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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