ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
