I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
