Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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