every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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