Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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