I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
