Don't make out with my wife yet
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
