Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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