he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
